If At First You Don’t Succeed

… try … try … try … try … try again …

I can’t say it better than Col. O’Neill, and like him I keep trying again.

I thought I might be overdue for an update, while I was hoping to have a ton of forward progress to report, the battle of the mind is far from over. While speed and direction are still questionable, I am starting to see a path appearing out of the fog. Staying on that path though, that seems to be the tricky part …

I’ve been taking time for mindless relaxation and I have been playing quite a bit of Rimworld. It’s hard to explain, but it has been sort of a Zen thing – the game is relaxing but easy to jump in and out of as needed. Plus the game is fun, when it isn’t beating you over the head, for that tiny poorly planned trade you made 15 minutes ago. If you’ve never heard of it, the game is a sort of resource planning, micromanagement, world building sort of game – like Sim City but in the year 5000 and you crash landed on a barren world. It also plays on Windows and Linux which is great when you have a goal in life to travel and still be able to have those digital distractions that you enjoy at home (ie – movies, games, etc). So, there we have a goal to reach – movies and games anywhere I go, seems silly, but not without technical challenges to overcome – stay tuned I want to dedicate some writing to that. I figure at the rate this year is going, I should be able to have the movies and what not wrapped up by the end of the year.

Of course that isn’t the only goal that I have managed to discover. 2020 has been flat out the most bizarre of years I have ever seen – it seems almost as if the year can’t figure out what it wants to sucker punch you with before it steals your wallet. Which of course leads me to my second goal I .. well finished. At the end of 2019 I wrapped up a bunch of bills into a single payment with a personal loan – my goal was to pay that off this year, which I did… and then I had to replace my Air Conditioner. I now have cold air in the house, but a hole in my wallet again … back to the drawing board so to speak, and a 2021 completion.

I’m also starting to make my steps back into the realms of Cyber Security. I was presented with an opportunity to take training on a digital forensics tool which got me heading down a road I started down when I was in college. Paraphrasing a post I put on Facebook a few weeks back – The road to the future is paved with Autopsy, and strange acronyms like SSCP and OSCP. Gonna be a scenic and bumpy road.

I still feel exhausted, both physically and mentally, not worse than before but only a little better. I suspect both come from a combination of 2020 being a screaming toddler running with a ginsu knife, cutting wildly at everything it can and a set of bad habits that I noticed since my last writing. While I’m not willing to discuss them, I’ve started to make a few of them more difficult to keep up with – This should put a damper on at least one of two of those things that keep me in a rut. Getting more sleep and going to the gym should help too – I signed up to start going JUST before Covid locked everything down … Maybe its a sign, or another goal to accomplish by the end of the year, along with a minor dental issue I have been putting off for some time.

Something I want to give a minute or two worth of attention (really something just to get out into words), guys appearing to be jealous. This just seemed to come up in conversation in the last couple weeks – other guys seeming to be jealous of things that I have done … while I’m flattered than you know that I am so awesome, just because I am talking to people or doing certain things – it does not mean I am competing with everyone. So, if you are reading this, and jealous of something I am doing or said … Likely I have no idea who you are, so man the fuck up and be far more excellent than me – make it a competition worth getting my attention to compete in.

… No longer in possession of ones faculties, three fries short of a happy meal, WACKO !!

This isn’t everything that I have been working on, but the items I feel comfortable talking about right now, more will come down the road. Oh, and I have renamed this series of posts as the “State of Insanity” … Borrowed from where I can’t remember right off, but it seemed a lot more fitting for what I was trying to convey. Again Stargate provides the most excellent visual for this thought. Meme’s continue as always and plan to have more content coming soon. Thanks for reading and stay safe everyone.